A huge part of stress is stressful thinking. The same things do not affect us in the same way because we sometimes think differently about them. What upsets you may not upset your friend. Indeed, sometimes we get annoyed with our friends for not being as annoyed as us! We’re a funny lot – aren’t we? We seem to look to others to validate our feelings. Even more peculiarly sometimes we feel that people should know how we are feeling without us even telling them! I have talked to people who are angry with people about things they possibly do not know about!
Although we humans are very intelligent we can also be very stupid! We assume we know things without ever finding out. We join the dots without knowing. We make conclusions without the evidence. We can be very irrational in our approach to ourselves, others and the world. We are at our most vulnerable when we shut ourselves off – when we just listen to ourselves without the voice of reason being in the same room as us!
I often ask questions like – Are you right to be annoyed as you are about this? Would others be as annoyed as you? Does it matter this much? How annoyed do you want to be? How long do you want to be annoyed for?? Is there another way of making sense of this? How do you know this is true? Is it helpful to be thinking this? Is it fair?
A lot of stress is down to how we make sense of things. We need to be more objective, neutral and logical. We need to consult more with others. Seek the evidence and then seek advice from a few people. And don’t be annoyed with people because they don’t tell you what you want to hear? No point in seeking advice if you have already decided!! And be a good friend yourself – when someone asks for your opinion tell them what you are really thinking not what you think they want to hear!!
A lot of stress is unnecessary. We often lock ourselves into a room where they only opinions that exist are our own. We need to work harder at being more rational!