Parenting is very challenging – even more challenging nowadays. However when I look back on my parents I realise how fortunate I was. They took the responsibility very seriously.

Tonight was a little difficult. I was speaking about parenting to a gathering of parents at a very fine Dublin school. I have given this talk before. But tonight was different. It was the first time that I gave this talk since I lost my last remaining parent – my lovely mother. She died in early February. Both my parents have moved on. It was eery driving past St. Vincent’s private Hospital and not turning in.

Parenting is very challenging – even more challenging nowadays. However when I look back on my parents I realise how fortunate I was. They took the responsibility very seriously. They gave it their very best. They were not perfect parents. I am not a perfect parent. There is no such thing. But they were selfless during my teenager years. The listened. They encouraged. They got to know me as I was trying to get to know myself. I think we underestimate the value of time. It is so easy to be too busy during these crucial years. i meet so many adults who have lost their health and often we discover that at the root of their symptoms are core beliefs that they have formed about themselves, others and the world during the teenage years.

It is so difficult getting the balance right between interference and genuine interest and watch out for them or controlling them. The teenage years are like a minefield. Tonight I reminded parents of the significant changes that have occurred since we were teenagers. It is so more complex for them now than it was for us. The reality is that they are becoming unique adults and that how they negotiate themselves through the arenas of home, school and social life will define them in the years that lie ahead.

One thing that is definite about parenting is that it demands time. It is fraught with trail and error. We need to work at it. Those years pass by quickly. Someday our daughter or son will become merely a visitor to our home.

Parenting never ends. i remember some of the things my late mother said to me in her final days. There were still some gems of wisdom peeping through the tiredness caused by morphine and the weary journey of terminal illness. I had spent the day with her in the hospital. There was very little quality conversation. I woke her up and told her I was heading on the road. I told her I was heading for Roscommon town for the night – a hotel there. I was working  there the following morning was heading to Roscommon.  She opened her eyes and said ‘Have you got warm pyjamas with you? Those hotels can be very damp. Mind yourself on the road!’  Blessed i was.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if when our children grow up an they look back on the teenage years – that they would say ‘Dad gave me loads of his time’ or Mam was always there for me.’ I wish the parents that ventured out of their homes last night the very best in their demanding and crucial roles as parents.