Bouncing back – the gift of resilience

Being angry about things is understandable. No one likes change being forced upon them. But the reality is that we all have to adapt to these changes.

I was speaking to an architect yesterday. He hasn’t earned a penny in eight months. He told me that he had been totally wiped out by this recession. No one wants his drawings anymore. He doesn’t know what to do next. Either he emigrates or acquires new skills. He’s facing stark choices and is very stressed about it all. His friend, Mary, bought a terraced house in the part of Dublin where she was working. It cost her over €600,000 about four years ago. She had been paying dead money on rent for years. Although she knew it was very dear at the time she reminded me that such a price was what had to be paid to buy a very ordinary house. All she wanted to do was have her own home for her children. Last week, she observed a small queue of people at the showhouse in her estate. They were viewing the last remaining semi-detached houses in the scheme. These can now be bought at €220,00. Doesn’t feel right that Mary got caught in this trap! She is very anxious about continuing to make future payments since being reduced to a three-day workweek. Another man, Tom, is raging with his employer. He has to relocate to an office in a town further away from his home. Doing more work for less money, he added. He wondered would things every return to the way they were. Totally fed up, he added.

There is a lot of stress around. People are finding themselves challenged in new ways. Nothing seems certain anymore. Even the economists keep changing their scripts. This recession has knocked us back like nothing before. Being angry about things is understandable. No one likes change being forced upon them. But the reality is that we all have to adapt to these changes. It’s unlikely that the good times will return anytime soon!! However, we have to be careful with anger. Anger needs a voice. Often it is fully understandable and needs validation. However, we have to be careful with this emotion. Of all the emotions it can do the most harm. Anger and health cannot stay in the same room as each other for very long. Eventually anger claims health. So don’t get burned out with it. The reality is that thousands of people are being challenged. No one has exclusive right to stress. We would not have very far to travel to find someone that is going through a much worse scenario than ourselves!

I came across Jim in the local music shop. He is in his late twenties. As a carpenter he has also been wiped out by this recession. He told me that he sold his big van. Lucky to have got rid of it, he added. In his hand was a bodhrán. He gave me a demonstration of it. It was an electric one and would carry its sound better over the guitar that his friend was carrying. Jim was now playing as part of a duet around the local pubs at night. He is being kept busy. We are easy to pay, he added. And we are adding a bit of atmosphere to the quiet pubs- possibly keeping the drinkers drinking for longer! Jim told me how he was making a little bit more money now than when he was a carpenter. Indeed, it was more regular and they are getting a bit of a name on the circuit.

The one thing that struck me about Jim was that he was blessed with ‘bouncibility’! He was challenged but stayed the pace. He bounced back. Happy and healthy he is too! We all need this essential skill – resilience. Jim is lucky because he has it in abundance. It is easy to keep talking about all the things we have lost. To long for yesteryear! To wish for the things we do not have etc. is something that should not govern an excessive about of out time. We need to focus and tap into our own unique inner-strengths. We underestimate our ability to cope through the challenging times.

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